Get back up!

Hi yes its me and yes I have fallen, but i refuse to just lie here doing nothing. "Get back up!" someone yells in my head. "Dont give up" the voice persists when i have the urge to lie down and curl into a ball.

"Today is a New day" - says the same voice when I say I wanna go to sleep and never wake up.

I wake up today with heavy eyelids, swollen and looking like i got punched. But I am up.

More plans to make, more things to discover, more adventures waiting to be had.

These are my three words of advice, when you feel the lowest of the low, and u hit the bottom of the barrel.

Get back up!

here is a poem:

yesterday was a mess

my head was in distress

today can be the best

Gonna wear my prettiest dress

Do up my hair

and Dance like I just dont care

Yesterday was a mess

But today was the best.

Its beginning to look a lot like christmas!

maybe its the rainy weather and the fact i am snuggled on a couch, but i feel like its christmas already!! haha i love christmas. I mean really love it. the presents, the tree, the family gatherings and most of all the food and the wonderful feelings!.. haha

christmas time is the best time to just sit and read a good book. and snnuggle.. haha my two favourite pasttimes. i am glad this year i actually get to help my mum put up the tree since i have been back really late the past 3 years. i love being home with family at this time.

who knows maybe next year i will be in switzerland, having a white christmas!! yay! haha my brother is moving there.. so me and my mum were thinking of going up in dec to see the babies and get to see some snow and play in it! haha

but till then I am here in rainy singapore... feeling christmassy because its raining..haha

No yoga for me today!

Finally back to work for me! After work,I was planning on going to the gym to go for a gentle yoga session, but my mum has made me promise that i would go home and take care of nephews... haha so i guess i better go home and help her out. That chrissy, he is so naughty! He runs around like a maniac than falls down, then i pick him up and tell him not to run, and he just runs again.. aiyoh... so many bruises on him already.. what to do?? crazy boy is like a madman and running around, i need to put him in a cushion filled room. so he can't hurt himself. And zack is constantly being bullied by him.. naughty boy... I never bullied my brothers when i was that age... WELL MAYBE not ever.. but not always...

Anyway my blog is so boring, its a miracle people still read it.. nothing new happening ... Oh wait, there is something! My cousin is back in Singaporeeeeeeeeeeee.... yaaaaaaaaaaay! me and my nadi! I havent seen her since i left for Hawaii so its really been so long! But she is all grown up... and looking more and more like my aunty Katy(her mum). We used to have sleepovers all the time and play dress up(with her clothes) and play with dolls(mine) and then go shopping and then pretend we were selling chicken rice.. she even had the brown paper(you know the kind they wrap the chicken rice in) man i have such cute pics of us, i should put them up here...!! and you guys can see my horrible gremlin teeth(long story)... yuck...

me age 3 with my bad teeth

me and zack in 2005(9 months old)

 me and zack 2007( 3years old)

Trick or treat?

This halloween went by with me dressed as a devil and my nephews like tarzan and a mummy. haha so cute.. this year halloween was seriously lacking in debauchery for me.. haha every year since i had been in hawaii, halloween was a night of devilish fun, and lots of booze.. Am i getting soft in my old age?? but then again when i look back at the halloween days in the past, i cant help but feel stupid about my actions(of clinging to a certain person) , how dumb was I to think that what we had was something real and not just lust.. soooo immmature. but i guess thats how we grow, we live, we make mistakes and we learn from them.

Now when i recall his face, it seems so long ago. Like a distant dream. Time really removed any smoke and fog in the way and now i can see clearly. But now that i am over it, it seemed like such an exciting time in my life. Now my life seems very ho hum.. but i guess i like the simpler things too, like my babies.

I am also wondering when i will meet my own Rhett(i just watched gone with the wind) .. the idea of me meeting someone new just seems so distant and far fetched.. i thought that when i came back home, life would go on like it was before i left, but now i see that i am mistaken. and its not this place that has changed. Its me, i have changed.. i have grown up a little.. i dont wanna say I outgrown this same ol same ol, but i think i have.
I love this place, its my home, its where i grew up, but i just dont feel like I can have a future here.. maybe its just nonsense, but i dont see myself, buying a HDB one day, getting married here, living here.. I was telling my dad, i want to own a 30 acre farm and he can live on my property. I told my mum she can live in my attic. haha maybe someday, if i meet the right guy here, i will think about living here, but for now, i just dont think i could settle here unless i have seen more of the world. Living abroad is like a drug, when i was abroad, i swore i missed my home then when i came home, all i want to do is leave. How paradoxical. Thats life i guess.. but hey, dont take my word for it, tomorow i might change my mind. But tonight, in the words of Ingrid Michaelson,

Far away Far away I wanna go Far away
Where the water is blue and the people are new
to another island in another life

Gd night!

Soul Searching?

Hmmm.. i was thinking about this phrase, soul searching.. do you think it means searching for your soul or searching within your soul? i guess it could mean either or both. Given the amount of time i have on my hands lately, i have done a lot of soul searching. what have i discovered? I have asked myself and God more questions. received answers for some, not all. realized i really love taking care of children.. and not just my nephews.. all children.. should have just become a freaking pediatrician... but no... i had to be all difficult and say " i wanna be a marine biologist" i wanna save the world... HAH.. i dont feel like i am saving the world at all by sitting on my butt.. Now i am waiting from an answer from a school, and should be feeling like a doof, but i feel like i own the world, hard to be down when i feel so uppppp! but i have to be serious and think what if , what if what if.. Well you know what i am tired of thinking what if, from now on i will think " what happens, happens" i can worry about it, but that doesnt change its outcome. I dont wanna worry about stuff that i cant change anymore. I do my best with what i have because i know soon i may not be here and then i will regret not living in the moment.

So from now on, i am here! Living in the moment. ears open, eyes seeing.. ready to take on the world:

Bring it on world, I am ready!

bhangra night + kangaroo= no go

This is to all you people who are going for the bhangra night on friday night without me :(

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrarrrrr... grgrgrgrgrgrgr grgrgrgrgrg arg agr agr

anyway these past few days, i feel about 65 years old... and my mother actually referred to me as her mother once... Gasp,shock horror! haha and now my whole family has taken to calling me Kangy... great great, make fun of the lame girl..

anyway better get back to work!

another sports injury

ok i am either really accident prone or this is a sign that i should give tennis up!! noooooooo i refuse!!..

i just sprained my ankle... lame i know, but i feel better than last night, when i wanted to die! haha

my poor mother for putting up with me.. God will bless her for having to suffer with a krazy child.. haha

anyway cuddles and lets hope my leg heals soon!